Ask and you shall receive?

At least the date thing up there is correct now. Gahh. So many flies circling around the light. Does this mean it will rain soon? Oh please let it rain. The heat is killing me. Well at least the last time I asked for it to rain, it really did. And it even lasted ofr days. Asking for something...

Frustration because of inevitable, or worse avoidable, circumstances is a big part of life. This I have learned now. In all aspects of life I believe, there would always be promises not fulfilled, goals not achieved, and dreams not reached. It is really hard to go through this even more so when you know you gave your best, or just because of being unaware, ignorant and stupid. Failure is easier to accept isn't it, when you know you don't deserve it? But when, in all your heart, you know something is meant to be given to you and you don't get it, it's all just bullshit. You feel that all your hardwork has been futile and you wish you just didn't sweat it that hard. So hard. And you sulk and you sulk and you sulk. What is even more frustrating is that those who had it easy were the ones who gets what you most desperately want.

I just read earlier in an essay in the papers that acceptance is the key in staying sane. Haha, that is so true. But acceptance is hard. In the back of your mind everyday, therein lurks an evil being that says, "You didn't get it"

But like what almost everyone says, God has His own plans and what you desire will be given to you in His time. But what time is that? Hahahaha. And people also say, "Don't sulk, It won't get you anywhere." or "Don't feel sorry for yourself" As if not sulking will get you somewhere. Well, in my case it doesn't. Hmm, well maybe what is so sad about it is that, you really can't do anything anymore about it. Maybe you just need to keep on trying? But that's the point. Trying and trying and trying, and still you're on the same place.


Failure leads to frustration. Failure though is possible in so many ways. It need not mean that you didn't get what you want. Sometimes it can be that you got what you wanted, but in the end it was not what's best for you after all. Or, you got what you wanted and had to give it up for something. Or...you're just really plain frustrated. Well, things like those.

But can it be that frustration need not what comes after failure? Can it just be straight to acceptance? But you see, by doing that it's like saying to yourself, "Di ko naman talaga kaya eh, why did I even bother?" Yah. Diba?

Arrrrhhhh. Wahh. Ang gulo na ehhh. Hahaha. Tapos ang dami pang factors. Haha. Yukk.

But sometimes also, luck plays a big part. I think that some just really get lucky when it comes to certain things. But you cannot just rely on luck about everything. You also have to do your part. And pray. Just ask.

(And I'm telling myself all this)

So what now?