It's friday today

Being around people you love and have fun with is a real happy-booster. Not being around anyone doesn't really work for me. It makes me think, and that's not good. I just have to get distracted and laugh and realize that these people are always going to be there...and that I can still have a good laugh. I have always thought that I'm the anit-social-I-don't-give-a-shit-about-people type, but then again, I really don't know myself very well. These people makes me realize that whatever problems or doubts I have, all will eventually make sense. But what's really irritating, is that you learn and realize everything in the end when everything's done.

Why is it that when I ask for something I badly want I get it at the wrong time? I know God gives you what you ask for in His own time, but I just don't understand how it will all work for me. I'd just have to see and see and discover what everything means... Or I could not care...no that won't work.

I'm really pissed off at my schedule right now. I mean, I already had it revised (so as not to have a SIX HOUR break) and it is supposed to make things better. I went to the departments and everything and I'm not sure if what I did was right. I 'm now scared that what I did may be the thing that will make my life at school hell. Gaaah. No. It. Won't. It should not. Please make it all work out! See? It's like I'm in denial and everything.

What I really really hate about myself is that I'm so indecisive. I don't know how to choose or make decisions for myself. I always spend so much time thinking about how I will choose for things to turn out ok. And int he end when I've already made up my mind, I end up choosing the wrong things. I can't understand why I haven't mastered the art of good and inteligible decision-making at all. I hate it.


But in the end, that's what the friends and loved ones are for. The poeple who'll make me laugh and light and happy. They're there to tell me everything will be okay and alright even if you know, it's unlikely. Because it's their assurance that I really need to hear. Nothing else.

I read this in this blog. A lot of the time fear is really just fear.